Remember that scratch and sniff paper?

I remember when I was in grade 4 and we had a substitute teacher. She must not have had much time to prepare for class when they called her to come in because I'm sure she never brushed her teeth. I base this on how bad her breath smelled. It was like smelling a fousty toilet. My theory was further solidified when she started passing out these quizzes which were done off on the duplicator. The duplicator used a chemical that smelled kinda funny, which we all smelled, it was somewhere between smelling gas and a pleasant alcohol aroma. Needless to say we all smelled these papers whenever they were handed out. And of course I smelled mine. But when I smelled it, the pleasant aroma was over powered by a stink. A stink which came from when she licked her finger to get a grip of the paper as she passed them out to my classmates and I. I even seen the smudge her finger left, and from this emanated the nastiest stench I have ever smelled up until that point in my life.

With that said I'm in the first aid class and the instructor is going around distributing hand-outs. As he does he's licking his thumb to grip the paper. He doesn't lick his thumb for every piece of paper, but he does for each one that he passes to me. I watch closely at his gross mustachioed mouth and the protruding tongue that lathers his thumb. I am drawn back to my mortified days of grade 4 and that disgusting smell. I observe where on the page his thumb has been placed to make sure my skin does not come into contact with his saliva. I am further disturbed as throughout the day multiple papers are passed out and each has a fresh batch of saliva transferred from his thumb.

I'm starting to get grossed out. I don't easily get gorssed out but body fluids do it to me. I noticed yesterday on one occasion that he picked his ear as he was addressing the class. I mean everyone is watching him right? He is the instructor in front of the class. He picks his ear and he must have been successful in what he was doing because he found something in there and examined it as he was talking. Well of course all my attention shifted to where his attention shifted - which was on whatever was betwixt his fingers. He examined it, squeezed it with his nails and rolled it, surveying every surface of what was surely disgusting.

Well today he did it again. Same thing. He was addressing the class when he stuck his pinkie into his ear, rooted around and extracted another gem. His buggy eyes shifted to what was in his fingers, as did my eyes. He played with it again, examining it, prodding it, trying to decipher exactly what it was. I would have became ill if he continued any longer, but he resolved to just discard it onto the floor. Did I mention we are in our socks.