My trepidation comes from leaving Stephanie - she has become my home. Her loving arms have been my solace for sometime now and I left them again. My feeling of emptiness the days leading up to my departure was so overwhelming that I couldn't eat, I had no appetite, I only wanted to be next to her. My physical self exhibited the mental anguish I was enduring, my stomach felt cold and empty. I was huffing and puffing several times a minute. I had never felt this stress before, it was alien to me. I can only say I have come close to what I assume someone feels after killing another person, that is what it felt like.
My only relief came when I slept and I therefore slept as much as I could. On the plane up I exhausted my self watching movies in an effort to pacify my mind. My mind was my enemy. I have never been this bad before.
It is good to be amongst great friends and in an atmosphere of comfort right now. I slept well after a very very taxing day of separation and travel. Joe, Maya and myself went out for Vietnamese (tradition) last night which acted almost as soulfood. We had the same meal as usual and it put me at ease for sure. We came back to Joe and Maya's and basically flaked out as the last few hours of 2009 dwindled away. We ended up hitting the sack before the New Year.
We awoke this morning at the same time and after a quick chat with Steph went downstairs to prepare breakfast with some of my bestfriends.
I have proper nutrients in my body now and am ready. My stress level had decreased somewhat and as soon as I get back into the groove of things at work all will be well.
