So I was a huge Kenny Rogers fan as a kid. Christ have you seen what that cat has done to himself with the fucking plastic surgery? Anyways. Well fuck Axel Rose doesn’t even look that bad. I mean Kenny was a handsome man.
Ya, so I was a huge fan. I loved the Gambler, Ruby and the classic with Dolly large Breasts – Islands in the Stream, oh yeah and Coward of the County. My parents surprised me one winter with tickets to a Kenny Rogers concert in St. John’s. Well holy shit I was literally beside myself with elation, I Russell Samways was going to see Kenny Rogers in real life. My parents had gone to one of his concerts before and brought me back a large book. In this book was a poster which hung on the back of my bedroom door for at least 8 years, until it was in tatters. The dude was wearing a pink suit too, I remember the picture being hazy, he was sat on a stool with one leg outstretched, I’m pretty sure the poster was meant for women. I wonder what Dad thought of Mom buying me such a poster, all gay looking and shit. I’m sure he contemplated taking it down a few times.
At that young age I had a slight concept of what stardom was and for me Kenny Rogers was the epitome of all that embodied stardom. I was rather perplexed by the way fans acted when seeing their favourite stars. The way they freaked out, the way they would want to touch them, have a piece of clothing or some possession of theirs, but what got me the most was the not washing your hands after they touched them.
Figure of speech was something I had not mastered at this age, and certainly exemplified by the time Pop Samways slept into Uncle Edwin’s cabin with us one time. Sometime in the morning Pop got up to use the washroom [a 5 gallon bucket in the bathroom, which happened to be more of a closet with a blanket nailed across the doorway than anything, hmm I still remember how it always smelled of ivory soap], when he ventured into the enclosed alcove my Dad was there and I guess startled Pop Samways. Well the next morning Dad was saying to Pop that he(Pop) should have seen his face, and that he looked like he had seen a ghost. I wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation but when I heard “ghost” it got my attention. I promptly got up and went into the room to see what the deal was, as asking him what he meant provided me with no response at all. Dad said that there was no ghost or any such thought of a ghost, but rather what he said to Pop Samways was a “figure of speech”, that was the first time I had heard either expression.
Back to the Ken Meister. So the date was set and we drove in town that evening with Dad pointing out the glowing light emitting from “The Sprung Greenhouse”. I had heard of it many times in the news but to see the glow was a real treat. It was revealed earlier that we would be going there in a BMW, which I soon found out was a car. For some reason Dad was making a big deal out of it, saying it was a luxury car and a really good ride, as far as I knew Cadillac was the top of the line, but this one was better. My impression of it was that the leather seats were cold on my 8 or 9 year old ass.
Memorial Stadium was our venue and what a concert it was, I was on my Dad’s shoulders most of the time, which wasn’t much of a consolation considering Dad probably needed to be on someone’s shoulders too. At one point Kenny Rogers was handing out stuff to the crowd and shaking their hands so Dad grabbed my hand and off we went making our way to the front stage – one midget in front of an even shorter midget. When we got there, Dad picked me up and held me out to shake his hand (sorta like you’d see a woman passing her child to the captain of the life raft before she herself climbs aboard) and when he came close I reached with all my might and slapped his hand(can you imagine how happy he was for me?). I was excited but not as excited as those women who take off their panties or throw their bras. When Dad took me down and asked me how it was I was I looked at my hand and I smelled it (you know just to see what Kenny Rogers smells like) and confirmed what I thought I felt moments earlier. Kenny Rogers slapped hands with me with a rightfully sweatyhand. It was then that I knew I would definitely have to wash my hand and any thoughts of never washing my hand again didn’t even get past the 2% possibility.
I didn’t get to see the sprung greenhouse’s aura on the way out because I fell asleep in the car. I remember waking up and there being a clever sized snow drift across the lane and dreading having to walk in the snow – certainly getting snow in shoes and pants. I remember waking up again as my father was tucking me in.
Isaac Samways, My Dad – Forever missed
